...I feel like we are not "in love" like we were when we got married and we've lost that spark. I can't imagine my life without him but sometimes I do wonder "can I be happier" I want that affection, intimacy, and spark back..do you have any suggestions? This has been one of the post popular “Ask Mama” questions from my blog. As I was writing my answer, I received three more questions in the same vein. Think back to what it was like when your relationship was new, how he made your heart melt when he looked at you, how your eyes would light up upon seeing him and how your heart dropped when he walked in the room. If you are longing for those days and want to reignite the fire, think about how you may have changed the way you treat him. Instead of focusing on what he used to do, focus on what you used to do. Try behaving the way you did back then, after all that’s how he fell for you. Men see how we see them and they need to feel adored and special just like we do. I firmly believe we have to share in the responsibility for romance and love. Pay attention to the way you react to your man. Men are reactionary. My husband reacts to my mood and emotions. If I’m upbeat, happy and delightful, he gets taken in and feels the same joy. I’ve witnessed this with my daughter and her husband and another couple they are friends with as well. Happiness is infectious! Think about the people in your life that you love to be around. Is it the mean gloomy girl or the funny happy one? Is it the girl who doesn’t take care of herself, or the girl who glows? Be pert! Everybody has their down days, I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t be allowed to express our emotions when we are sad, but don’t let it be your theme song. When my husband comes in the front door, I smile at him and give him a kiss and ask how his day was even though I know he won’t say much more than, “good.” Sometimes I get frisky and slap his behind or jump in his arms and wrap my legs around him and kiss him. Wouldn’t you love to be greeted this way? It feels good to be desired. Give it a try!! When your husband walks in the door from work always greet him, ALWAYS! Smile all the way up to your eyes upon seeing him. Even if you have kids running around and everything is in complete chaos. Stop what you are doing long enough to notice the man who was there before the kids and who will be there after they leave. Listen up little mamas, your babies will grow up and leave and you will be left with your prince or a stranger, you have to choose now because your actions today affect your tomorrow. My husband goes to work for our family. He drives in traffic and works all day. I realize most people do this, but I understand he does this for me, for us so we have a home to live in and food to eat. I tell him how much I appreciate what he has done and continues to do for me. Say the words to your husband from time to time, “thank you so much for all you do, I love how you take care of me and our family.” (You may work as well, but that doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate him doing his part.) It feels good to be appreciated. You can tell him and you can show him. Some men prefer actions to words; you have to figure out that balance. Try these little things and see the subtle changes evolve. Remember, it took a while for things to get to this point and it will take a while to change. Love is patient. If you are in the wrong relationship this advice won’t help. If that is the case, I’m sorry. I know it’s hard to leave but sometimes it is actually harder to stay. Please know every single day can bring new hope and new opportunity for change, so keep the faith. Till next time, keep believing in love. Mama Karen Mama Karen , i had some questions on mother & daughter relationships .. I see ur u have an amazing relationship with ur daughters . I would give anything to have that but my momma is a hard headed lady to get along with. Im 22 years young planning to have babies soon , I would hate to act the way with my kids the way mother does to me .. What advice do u have to cope with this ? If u have any or can relate .. Love karly
Karly, If you don't have the type of relationship with your mom that you want, you can try to tell her how important it is to you and how you really feel, but you can't make her change. When it comes to parents, you get what you get. Not having the kind of relationship you desire with your mom has made you aware of how important it is to have a good mother daughter relationship and that has clearly inspired you to want to be a good mother. You are on the right track! Some mothers teach us what to do and others teach us what not to do. And yes, I can relate. I have very few photos from my youth. I would love to have photos of my many school activities. I don't have the photos, but I learned a valuable lesson. My husband and I have thousands of photographs of the children and our family. I drove my son crazy with the camera in his face constantly. I didn't care, I just kept telling him, "one day you will thank me." You get what you get with parents but you create your own little family and give to them the things you longed for as a child. Learn your lessons and focus on the things you have control over and your cup will runneth over with love. Love, Mama Karen Hi Mama Karen, When is it the "right time" to start having babies? I have been married for two years and feel like it's hard to know when you have enough money saved up or are far enough in your career and life to provide your child with the best you can. Thanks!
If you want to wait until you have enough money you must first quantify what "enough" is for your family. When my children were small we lived on a meager income. I cut corners without them knowing. I wrapped their birthday gifts with the comic section I saved from the Sunday newspaper. I clipped coupons from that same paper for groceries. I had more love than money to give them. I've heard it said, if you wait until you can afford to have a baby, you never will. Talk to your husband, honey. As long as you have a roof over your head and food in the pantry I bet the rest will work itself out. Having children has been the greatest blessing of my life. I wish the same for you. Love, Mama Karen |
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March 2019
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