...I feel like we are not "in love" like we were when we got married and we've lost that spark. I can't imagine my life without him but sometimes I do wonder "can I be happier" I want that affection, intimacy, and spark back..do you have any suggestions?
This has been one of the post popular “Ask Mama” questions from my blog. As I was writing my answer, I received three more questions in the same vein.
Think back to what it was like when your relationship was new, how he made your heart melt when he looked at you, how your eyes would light up upon seeing him and how your heart dropped when he walked in the room. If you are longing for those days and want to reignite the fire, think about how you may have changed the way you treat him. Instead of focusing on what he used to do, focus on what you used to do. Try behaving the way you did back then, after all that’s how he fell for you. Men see how we see them and they need to feel adored and special just like we do. I firmly believe we have to share in the responsibility for romance and love.
Pay attention to the way you react to your man. Men are reactionary. My husband reacts to my mood and emotions. If I’m upbeat, happy and delightful, he gets taken in and feels the same joy. I’ve witnessed this with my daughter and her husband and another couple they are friends with as well. Happiness is infectious! Think about the people in your life that you love to be around. Is it the mean gloomy girl or the funny happy one? Is it the girl who doesn’t take care of herself, or the girl who glows? Be pert! Everybody has their down days, I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t be allowed to express our emotions when we are sad, but don’t let it be your theme song.
When my husband comes in the front door, I smile at him and give him a kiss and ask how his day was even though I know he won’t say much more than, “good.” Sometimes I get frisky and slap his behind or jump in his arms and wrap my legs around him and kiss him. Wouldn’t you love to be greeted this way? It feels good to be desired.
Give it a try!! When your husband walks in the door from work always greet him, ALWAYS! Smile all the way up to your eyes upon seeing him. Even if you have kids running around and everything is in complete chaos. Stop what you are doing long enough to notice the man who was there before the kids and who will be there after they leave.
Listen up little mamas, your babies will grow up and leave and you will be left with your prince or a stranger, you have to choose now because your actions today affect your tomorrow.
My husband goes to work for our family. He drives in traffic and works all day. I realize most people do this, but I understand he does this for me, for us so we have a home to live in and food to eat. I tell him how much I appreciate what he has done and continues to do for me.
Say the words to your husband from time to time, “thank you so much for all you do, I love how you take care of me and our family.” (You may work as well, but that doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate him doing his part.)
It feels good to be appreciated. You can tell him and you can show him. Some men prefer actions to words; you have to figure out that balance.
Try these little things and see the subtle changes evolve. Remember, it took a while for things to get to this point and it will take a while to change. Love is patient.
If you are in the wrong relationship this advice won’t help. If that is the case, I’m sorry. I know it’s hard to leave but sometimes it is actually harder to stay. Please know every single day can bring new hope and new opportunity for change, so keep the faith.
Till next time, keep believing in love.